I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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