God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
