he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
