At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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