If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
NoShamevember. You game?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
