Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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