This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
