In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
