I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize