Do you still have your period?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
