I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
