OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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