I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
