She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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