Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
