I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
