I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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