she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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