I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
