I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
