Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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