so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
