So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
