Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
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I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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