lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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