I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
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she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
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Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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