I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
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Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
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Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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