Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
