I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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