I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
