spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
