Don't you send me to vm
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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