I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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