I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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