I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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