I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
