I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
