I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
