I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
