I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
