but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
