oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
