I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
