We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
