Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
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