I accidentally burped into my bong.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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