and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
