I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
