Sry I called you an 8
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
