She's JV to your varsity
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
