god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
