Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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