Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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