I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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