We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
