Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My pussy is not your playground.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
