your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
