I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
