Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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