Can Purell be used as lube?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
