I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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