my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
