Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
FUCK WHALES
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
