Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
