It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
