dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
