I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
