hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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