I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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