Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
