i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
