end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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