Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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