as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
