Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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