drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Panties = found
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
