We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
