It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
