After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
